On February 10, 2012, Nancy and I met with about ten volunteers from the Peninsula Humane Society at the end of the day to discuss our book, #DOG Tweet – 140 Perspectives On What Our Dogs Teach Us About Being Human. The volunteers care for and train surrendered dogs and other animals, preparing them for adoption. We had gathered to engage in what I had imagined to be a “crowdsourcing” event, designed to test the approach and validity of our book’s content. Crowdsourcing, according to Wikipedia, “is a problem-solving and production process that involves outsourcing tasks to a network of people, also known as the crowd.” Whether or not we fit the evolving definition of crowdsourcing, we hoped to bring people together to share their perspectives on what makes these dog/human relationships so special. This was to be more than “brainstorming” as we did not wish our colleagues to limit their perspectives to the cognitive domain. We wanted to hear about the emotional, somatic, social and even spiritual contributions dogs made to the lives of others. We wanted to know how those contributions might enable us to improve ourselves and our relationships with others, and human and nonhuman alike. And we were not disappointed. Here are some of the thoughts that arose out of our conversation. Keep Reading »
Coach, Observe Thyself!
I woke up Saturday morning a little bummed. I had noticed that in recent weeks I had felt out of sorts. It wasn’t a bad mood. It was more of a sense of being perpetually “jammed.” So I am a coach. I listen to the plight of others, attempting to foster in my clients new perspectives which allow them to overcome their difficulties. Maybe I could apply a little coaching to myself. The practice that I often use in assisting clients to gain a new or broader perspective is called “self observation.” It consists of monitoring your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions to see exactly what gives rise to sense of being “stuck.” Keep Reading »
So, What Do You Think Happens Next?
One question, that arises from conversations about my hospice work, never has been asked of me in a group setting. It usually is put to me in a “sidebar,” in muted tones. Strangers never ask this question. It, apparently, is reserved for friends. “So, what do you think really happens when you die?” I don’t consider it an odd question, nor a particularly intimate one. In many respects, I wish it were a more prominent subject of conversation. But, it brings with it a lot of baggage. And, even in writing about it here, I undertake no small risk. Why risk? If you think about it, many of our beliefs, judgments and social values are derivatives of an attempt to answer that simple question. Whatever I believe, no matter how carefully considered or stated, will offend someone. Keep Reading »
Serving at the End of Another’s Life, Part 2
At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Serving at the End of Another’s Life
There is a question which inevitably follows my disclosure that I’ve been serving as a Zen Hospice Project volunteer for eight years at San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital. The question varies somewhat, but usually is framed — “Isn’t your work frightening/saddening/depressing?” Then, there is the follow-up question — “How do you do it?” There also are two recurring comments. The first is — “I could never do that.” The second comes from those who have witnessed hospice service — “When my [loved one] was approaching life’s end, the hospice workers were like angels.”
This weekend I was at a retreat at Rancho Bernardo, just outside of San Diego, with my new McKenna Long real estate colleagues at which these questions and comments frequently came up. I realize that I had never really expressed, in this space, my “truth” about what this work means to me and I thought I might take the opportunity to do so now. What I have to say might be described differently by other ZHP volunteers. But I imagine that the essence of their responses would be much the same. So here goes. Keep Reading »
Communicating With Elders
It’s been five years since my mother died. Four years prior to her passing, I began to recognize, with the astute eye and insistence of my sister, Kathy, that my mother was going through significant changes in her alertness and general competency. We would come to learn that she suffered from Lewy Body Dementia, an affliction that brings with it the dementia of Alzheimer’s disease and the physical incapacitation of Parkinson’s disease. I’ll never forget reviewing her MRI with her neurologist which revealed such a massive diminution of her brain’s size that I marveled that she could function at all. Ironically, as I took this all in, my father (who sat disconnected across the room, not wanting to participate in the discussion of my mother’s condition) was invisibly sliding into Alzheimer’s disease. Keep Reading »
Introducing Daniel Kahneman
Daniel Kahneman first came to my attention in 2002 when he won the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences for his work, with Amos Tversky, challenging the “rational model” of judgment and decision-making long ensconced in economic theory. What made the prize in economics ever more rich is that Kahneman is not an economist, but a psychologist. As I previously referenced, we will be briefly reviewing Kahneman’s brilliant book – Thinking, Fast and Slow - in the near future. But I wanted to first give you an introduction to this extraordinary person to “set the table” for subsequent discussion. Keep Reading »
The Working Brain, Part 4
Prior to publication of Your Brain at Work, Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long, David Rock had written articles on his SCARF model, which stands for status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness. A link to a video in which he describes the model (about 8 min.) also can be found here. According to Rock, these domains of social experience are treated by your brain in the same way as survival issues, generating either toward or away responses with the same intensity, and using the same brain circuitry, as reward or danger to one’s life. Rocky notes that “a huge amount of human behaviors are driven, largely unconsciously, by the desire to minimize social dangers and maximize social rewards.” Rock urges you to come to understand these five elements to strengthen your director (see Part 3). He also stresses the importance of using the SCARF model as a tool for improving relationships with and performance of others. He notes,
Think about what it feels like when you interact with someone who makes you notice what’s good about yourself (raising your status), who is clear with his expectations of you (increasing certainty), who lets you make decisions (increasing autonomy), who connects with you on a human level (increasing relatedness), and who treats you fairly. You feel calmer, happier, more confident, more connected, and smarter. You are able to process richer streams of information about the world, which feels like the world has got bigger. Because this experience feels so good, you want to spend time with this person and help them any way you can. Keep Reading »
The Working Brain, Part 3
When I advised you that I would be reviewing David Rock’s Your Brain at Work, Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long, I imagined that I would provide an informed summary in one or two posts, at most. As I now sit here, preparing part 3, I recognize how rich Rock’s book to be. Recognize that I’m only scratching the surface of the material that he supplies. My purpose here is to intrigue you sufficiently about this work and its relationship to other forthcoming volumes that I will review, to read, indeed study, this work yourself. I purposely have not referenced Rock’s specific discussions of the brain’s anatomy, beyond the introduction of the prefrontal cortex, because to do so would too severely tax this blog’s format. Suffice it to say that the advice he renders is fully supported by a discussion of modern brain science. Keep Reading »
The Working Brain, Part 2
We continue with our examination of Your Brain At Work by David Rock. Utilizing Rock’s metaphor of the prefrontal cortex as a small, energy-hungry stage, a number of principles follow concerning overwhelm and multiple tasking, and in succeeding chapters, Rock enumerates them:
The less you hold in mind at once, the better; new ideas take up more space on the stage than what you already know; memory degrades as you hold more than one idea in mind; the optimal number of items to compare in decision-making is two; the optimal number of different ideas to hold in mind is no more than 3 or 4; focus on only one conscious task at a time; switching between tasks uses energy and increases error; performing multiple conscious tasks results in drop-off in accuracy and performance; multitasking only should be done with routine tasks. Keep Reading »
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