My friend, Frank Yatsu, M.D., died shortly before a 5000 doctors survey conducted by The Doctors Company, the nation’s largest physician and surgeon medical liability insurer, revealed that 9 out of 10 of the country’s physicians are unwilling to recommend the profession to others. Frank, an emeritus UT Professor of Neurology and former Department Chair, and I had intended to write an article for a medical journal career on job dissatisfaction in medicine.Don’t Wait A startling 43% of surveyed physicians further declared that they are contemplating retirement as result of “transformative changes” in health care system, which will only exacerbate the existing physician shortage. That’s is not great news, as the federal Affordable Care Act adds an additional 32 million Americans into the healthcare system by 2014. Keep Reading »
Posts Tagged ‘Death’
Blessings of Age
I sat with a young colleague the other evening who was bemoaning his fate as he crossed into his mid forties. He couldn’t carouse as he used to. He was losing muscle mass and stamina. His hairline was receding. Some of the early ticks of memory were beginning to show. He wasn’t sure how he could keep up with his youthful expectations at the rate of decline that he was experiencing. He turned to me and asked, “How do you continue to do it at your age?”
I was glad that he asked. This is what I told him:
I can’t tell you what a blessing it is to mature! I get up every morning with gratitude for the fact that I am still here. I love and am loved by my family and a few friends. I am privileged to do work that I love. I am not pursuing anything that is not consistent with my constantly evolving sense of my life’s purpose. I continue to evolve the manner in which I practice law to bring a more refined and subtle integrity to what I do, serving my clients while creating the most abundant outcomes for all parties involved. Keep Reading »
Don’t Wait
“Don’t Wait” is the fifth and final of the Five Precepts of Hospice Care developed by the Zen Hospice Project, which directs our hospice volunteer activities at San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital. I only had recently written about the Five Precepts, explaining as to the fifth, “You only have this moment in which to be of service. If you are aware and attentive, you will do your best. If you wait, the moment will pass and you only will have regret. And, while your are regretting, another moment will pass. Now is the only time for caring, for serving, for doing your best.” I didn’t realize how quickly I was about to again encounter the poignancy of that precept.
I had met Frank Yatsu at a dinner honoring Louise Renne, the former San Francisco City Attorney, for her efforts in bringing about the construction of the new Laguna Honda Hospital which had only recently opened its doors. I serve with Louise on the Laguna Honda Foundation Board which raises funds to supplement hospital services and programs. Frank was a longtime friend of Louise. The event, held in a delightful, small restaurant along San Francisco’s northern waterfront began with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres and was followed by one of those sumptuous San Francisco cuisine meals. I don’t believe that I had met Frank before the dinner. And we did not sit at the same table during dinner. But as dinner began to wind down, there began a series of short testimonials, honoring Louise for her work in handling the various legal issues that threatened to close the old hospital, the efforts to secure funds for the new hospital, and her continuous leadership in preventing this monumental project from being sidetracked by the myriad of “only in San Francisco” regulatory and political snares. Following the planned remarks of several speakers, the evening’s emcee and Louise’ husband, Paul Renne, asked if anyone had anything else to add. I volunteered with remarks directed toward the remarkable people who served the largely indigent San Francisco population resident at the hospital as well as that population itself. Keep Reading »
So, What Do You Think Happens Next?
One question, that arises from conversations about my hospice work, never has been asked of me in a group setting. It usually is put to me in a “sidebar,” in muted tones. Strangers never ask this question. It, apparently, is reserved for friends. “So, what do you think really happens when you die?” I don’t consider it an odd question, nor a particularly intimate one. In many respects, I wish it were a more prominent subject of conversation. But, it brings with it a lot of baggage. And, even in writing about it here, I undertake no small risk. Why risk? If you think about it, many of our beliefs, judgments and social values are derivatives of an attempt to answer that simple question. Whatever I believe, no matter how carefully considered or stated, will offend someone. Keep Reading »
Serving at the End of Another’s Life, Part 2
At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Serving at the End of Another’s Life
There is a question which inevitably follows my disclosure that I’ve been serving as a Zen Hospice Project volunteer for eight years at San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital. The question varies somewhat, but usually is framed — “Isn’t your work frightening/saddening/depressing?” Then, there is the follow-up question — “How do you do it?” There also are two recurring comments. The first is — “I could never do that.” The second comes from those who have witnessed hospice service — “When my [loved one] was approaching life’s end, the hospice workers were like angels.”
This weekend I was at a retreat at Rancho Bernardo, just outside of San Diego, with my new McKenna Long real estate colleagues at which these questions and comments frequently came up. I realize that I had never really expressed, in this space, my “truth” about what this work means to me and I thought I might take the opportunity to do so now. What I have to say might be described differently by other ZHP volunteers. But I imagine that the essence of their responses would be much the same. So here goes. Keep Reading »
Awareness and Parenting, Part 8 – Integral Intelligence & Wrap Up
Integral Intelligence (II) refers to that state of being in which you are concurrently aware of and able to utilize your other intelligences synergistically. Moreover, II allows you to overcome the compartmentalization, limitations and distortion which may arise from allowing one intelligence or another to dominate from time to time or in certain situations. Here are some simple examples. You may not function well intellectually, emotionally or socially when you are hungry or verging on illness. An astute somatic awareness will alert you to the risks of certain undertakings, such that you either proceed with caution or postpone them to another day. Or, you recently have experienced a death in the family and are grieving your loss. You recognize that your emotional state will impede your somatic intelligence, so this is not the time to go rock climbing. You choose to go for a hike, instead. Or, you’ve worked for twelve days straight, without a break, and are invited to an evening of socializing with friends. You recognize that you lack the physical energy as well as the mental acuity to effectively engage a social situation. So, instead, you take your partner out for a quiet meal. The permutations are limitless. But the higher functioning to be realized from acknowledging the interdependencies of the various intelligences and working with them integrally cannot be overlooked. II is an intelligence not much recognized beyond a small circle of psychologists, philosophers, educators and coaches. It is not been the subject of protracted study, although various authors such as Ken Wilber, Ervin Laszlo, Peter Senge, Robert Sternberg, and others have been building a framework for its definition and wider acceptance. Many have begun to equate effective leadership with high II, all though I know of no metric for its measurement that been established. Keep Reading »
Something for the Holidays
I wrote the following holiday article almost two years ago to the day. A couple of things stand out about it as I prepare to post it for you. First, the story told remains as powerful to me now as when I originally wrote it. I hope that you will find it powerful for you as well. Second, I’m struck by how much has changed since the story was written. Two years may not seem like much time, particularly as I approach my 63rd birthday on December 28. But as you intentionally attempt to slow down and grow your awareness, every moment goes richer and life becomes more abundant. As you attend to the detail of life’s abundance, you become more aware of the constantly changing order of the universe and learn to accommodate, even embrace, change. The one change that I have accommodated, more than embraced, since this was written, was the passing of my father in November 2010.
This is a story referencing a story. You will find a link to my original 2006 writing, Chloe’s Story, here. My thanks goes to the good people at https://www.deathwise.org/ for republishing my hospice stories.
I send this out to you, recognizing that this post violates conventions of acceptable length, in the hope that it brings you some warmth and hope for the holiday season. It also is intended to remind you to find the best in strangers as well as yourself. Keep Reading »
The Quiet, Giving Presence
On Sunday, November 19, the following email arrived at my office, from Eric Poche, the Director of Volunteer Services for the Zen Hospice Project:
In hospice, it is sometimes our great, great fortune and honor to stay a course to the end of life of someone who humbly accepts our attention with style and grace, who unquestioningly with a gesture of hand, a crack of a smile, a steady gaze of inquiry or an occasional snort of a laugh, grabs our hearts and we fall forever in love. This little lady who came to our community in June 2005 until this morning 11/18/11 began our friendship with humor and caring, “wanting to sweep the floor and wash the dishes and make coffee”, “cooked Korean BBQ, but after the chopping, cutting and preparing the meal which several staff and residents enjoyed, lay down in bed, disclaiming the meal in the face of thanks and praises. She made a wonderful kimchee and tended the hot water urn on C-2 [The hospice ward at the old Laguna Honda Hospital].
She loved to dress well and wore her hats and clothes with panache; loved bingo and blackjack (and frequently if not always, won at both).
She smoked cigarettes with many dozens of volunteers over the years.
As her days waned, she spoke less and more and more lightly, but her interest and caring never waned.
So much to remember, spring days, fall days, holidays. Sunny days, rainy days, smoking in the garden.
So much blessings from you, dear Edith. May you receive them in return a thousandfold.
May she be peaceful, may she be free from suffering and all cause of suffering, may she be happy and at ease, may she realize her true nature.
Gratitude to the many volunteers who simply loved and treasured this wonderful being.
Her cremains will be sent to Hawaii, to her children.
On A Day of Loss
November 18 was the first anniversary of my father’s passing. Although I wasn’t conscious of it, I was engaged that day in a memorial in his honor. The prior week, I had decided to cook turnip soup (caldo nabos), a favorite of my father’s and mine, the recipe for which had been passed on to us by his mother, my Nana. But no turnip greens were to be found that weekend. Fresh turnip greens are tough and somewhat bitter, but very rich and flavorful. There are more popular greens for cooking like spinach, chard and kale. So, most turnips arrive at the store without greens, or the greens are removed at the store and thrown away. But Nancy had spoken with one of her vendors at the Saturday farmers’ market, who had promised to have some available on November 18. So, I found myself, on the anniversary date, unconsciously cooking a family recipe and a favorite of my father. My youngest, Jill has been staying with us for over a month, while treating a recurrence of her Lyme disease. At some point on Saturday afternoon, she met me in the kitchen and asked, “What’s going on with you? You are like a maniac, shopping, chopping and cooking away in a frenzy.” Then it hit me – the cooking was a way of honoring and celebrating my father while virtually sharing a meal with him (Catholics, even lapsed ones, have lots of experience in “virtual meals.”). As it turned out, Jill, originally turned her nose up at my offering, turnip soup having a pungent, almost bitter fragrance. That evening I dined on it alone, as the soup is based on a chicken broth and Nancy is a vegetarian. A day or so later, Jill did it give it a try and was smitten! I now know that I must share the recipe with her and my other children, so that the dish remains part of the family’s tradition. Keep Reading »
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