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Posts Tagged ‘Generosity’
Posted on Tuesday, May 1st, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Narrative, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, identifies, as the most common regret of all, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Five Regrets. I thought it might be worth our while to drill down this a bit on this regret to see what we can learn.
Now, I must begin with a caveat. In my eight years as a hospice volunteer, I really haven’t heard all that many regrets. I certainly haven’t heard enough of them to accumulate lists, identify patterns, or establish rankings. It may be that so many of our residents have lost cognitive capacity, don’t speak English or, having been “rescued” from the city’s streets or prisons or other horrific my circumstances, that discussion of regrets is either not possible or not a high priority. Most of my conversations with residents concern the here and now – the next meal, pain management, the day’s events pertaining to the individual or family, the evening’s television schedule. Regrets, to the extent that they arise at all, accompany life review conversations, in which residents attempt to find meaning in what has transpired in their lives. You may recall the hospice story that I previously published about Chloe, who in her final hours, attempted to reconcile her desire to be a good mother with the fact that her sons were forcibly removed from her custody due to the extremes of her schizophrenia. Her regret was specific — she had failed in her maternal expectations. But at life’s end, she was able to alter her perception, eliminate her regret, and find redemption in the fact that surrendering her sons was the “best mothering” of which she was capable in light of her mental illness. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, April 19th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, ATONEMENT, Awareness, Balance, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Kindness, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Kindness, Listening, Love, Narrative, Optimism, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
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 I sat with a young colleague the other evening who was bemoaning his fate as he crossed into his mid forties. He couldn’t carouse as he used to. He was losing muscle mass and stamina. His hairline was receding. Some of the early ticks of memory were beginning to show. He wasn’t sure how he could keep up with his youthful expectations at the rate of decline that he was experiencing. He turned to me and asked, “How do you continue to do it at your age?”
I was glad that he asked. This is what I told him:
I can’t tell you what a blessing it is to mature! I get up every morning with gratitude for the fact that I am still here. I love and am loved by my family and a few friends. I am privileged to do work that I love. I am not pursuing anything that is not consistent with my constantly evolving sense of my life’s purpose. I continue to evolve the manner in which I practice law to bring a more refined and subtle integrity to what I do, serving my clients while creating the most abundant outcomes for all parties involved. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, April 12th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Change, Death, Empathy, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Rest, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Kindness, Legacy, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship, Transition
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“Don’t Wait” is the fifth and final of the Five Precepts of Hospice Care developed by the Zen Hospice Project, which directs our hospice volunteer activities at San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital. I only had recently written about the Five Precepts, explaining as to the fifth, “You only have this moment in which to be of service. If you are aware and attentive, you will do your best. If you wait, the moment will pass and you only will have regret. And, while your are regretting, another moment will pass. Now is the only time for caring, for serving, for doing your best.” I didn’t realize how quickly I was about to again encounter the poignancy of that precept.
 I had met Frank Yatsu at a dinner honoring Louise Renne, the former San Francisco City Attorney, for her efforts in bringing about the construction of the new Laguna Honda Hospital which had only recently opened its doors. I serve with Louise on the Laguna Honda Foundation Board which raises funds to supplement hospital services and programs. Frank was a longtime friend of Louise. The event, held in a delightful, small restaurant along San Francisco’s northern waterfront began with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres and was followed by one of those sumptuous San Francisco cuisine meals. I don’t believe that I had met Frank before the dinner. And we did not sit at the same table during dinner. But as dinner began to wind down, there began a series of short testimonials, honoring Louise for her work in handling the various legal issues that threatened to close the old hospital, the efforts to secure funds for the new hospital, and her continuous leadership in preventing this monumental project from being sidetracked by the myriad of “only in San Francisco” regulatory and political snares. Following the planned remarks of several speakers, the evening’s emcee and Louise’ husband, Paul Renne, asked if anyone had anything else to add. I volunteered with remarks directed toward the remarkable people who served the largely indigent San Francisco population resident at the hospital as well as that population itself. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, April 5th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Empathy, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Dogs, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Kindness, Love, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Trust, Trust, Uncategorized
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 On February 10, 2012, Nancy and I met with about ten volunteers from the Peninsula Humane Society at the end of the day to discuss our book, #DOG Tweet – 140 Perspectives On What Our Dogs Teach Us About Being Human. The volunteers care for and train surrendered dogs and other animals, preparing them for adoption. We had gathered to engage in what I had imagined to be a “crowdsourcing” event, designed to test the approach and validity of our book’s content. Crowdsourcing, according to Wikipedia, “is a problem-solving and production process that involves outsourcing tasks to a network of people, also known as the crowd.” Whether or not we fit the evolving definition of crowdsourcing, we hoped to bring people together to share their perspectives on what makes these dog/human relationships so special. This was to be more than “brainstorming” as we did not wish our colleagues to limit their perspectives to the cognitive domain. We wanted to hear about the emotional, somatic, social and even spiritual contributions dogs made to the lives of others. We wanted to know how those contributions might enable us to improve ourselves and our relationships with others, and human and nonhuman alike. And we were not disappointed. Here are some of the thoughts that arose out of our conversation. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Grief, Healing, Listening, Love, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Hope, Kindness, Listening, Love, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 One question, that arises from conversations about my hospice work, never has been asked of me in a group setting. It usually is put to me in a “sidebar,” in muted tones. Strangers never ask this question. It, apparently, is reserved for friends. “So, what do you think really happens when you die?” I don’t consider it an odd question, nor a particularly intimate one. In many respects, I wish it were a more prominent subject of conversation. But, it brings with it a lot of baggage. And, even in writing about it here, I undertake no small risk. Why risk? If you think about it, many of our beliefs, judgments and social values are derivatives of an attempt to answer that simple question. Whatever I believe, no matter how carefully considered or stated, will offend someone. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Elders, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Kindness, Listening, Love, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Transition
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 At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Posted on Friday, March 16th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Discovery, Elders, Generosity, Healing, Legacy, Listening, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Fear, Generosity, Legacy, Listening, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 It’s been five years since my mother died. Four years prior to her passing, I began to recognize, with the astute eye and insistence of my sister, Kathy, that my mother was going through significant changes in her alertness and general competency. We would come to learn that she suffered from Lewy Body Dementia, an affliction that brings with it the dementia of Alzheimer’s disease and the physical incapacitation of Parkinson’s disease. I’ll never forget reviewing her MRI with her neurologist which revealed such a massive diminution of her brain’s size that I marveled that she could function at all. Ironically, as I took this all in, my father (who sat disconnected across the room, not wanting to participate in the discussion of my mother’s condition) was invisibly sliding into Alzheimer’s disease. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, March 13th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Generosity, Neuroscience, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Generosity, Neuroscience, Perception, Relationship, Trust
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 Daniel Kahneman first came to my attention in 2002 when he won the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences for his work, with Amos Tversky, challenging the “rational model” of judgment and decision-making long ensconced in economic theory. What made the prize in economics ever more rich is that Kahneman is not an economist, but a psychologist. As I previously referenced, we will be briefly reviewing Kahneman’s brilliant book – Thinking, Fast and Slow - in the near future. But I wanted to first give you an introduction to this extraordinary person to “set the table” for subsequent discussion. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Generosity, Grief, Love, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Spaciousness, Spirituality
Categories: Awareness, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Generosity, Love, Meditation, Optimism, Perception, Pessimism, Relationship, Spaciousness, Transition
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 Integral Intelligence (II) refers to that state of being in which you are concurrently aware of and able to utilize your other intelligences synergistically. Moreover, II allows you to overcome the compartmentalization, limitations and distortion which may arise from allowing one intelligence or another to dominate from time to time or in certain situations. Here are some simple examples. You may not function well intellectually, emotionally or socially when you are hungry or verging on illness. An astute somatic awareness will alert you to the risks of certain undertakings, such that you either proceed with caution or postpone them to another day. Or, you recently have experienced a death in the family and are grieving your loss. You recognize that your emotional state will impede your somatic intelligence, so this is not the time to go rock climbing. You choose to go for a hike, instead. Or, you’ve worked for twelve days straight, without a break, and are invited to an evening of socializing with friends. You recognize that you lack the physical energy as well as the mental acuity to effectively engage a social situation. So, instead, you take your partner out for a quiet meal. The permutations are limitless. But the higher functioning to be realized from acknowledging the interdependencies of the various intelligences and working with them integrally cannot be overlooked. II is an intelligence not much recognized beyond a small circle of psychologists, philosophers, educators and coaches. It is not been the subject of protracted study, although various authors such as Ken Wilber, Ervin Laszlo, Peter Senge, Robert Sternberg, and others have been building a framework for its definition and wider acceptance. Many have begun to equate effective leadership with high II, all though I know of no metric for its measurement that been established. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, February 7th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Discovery, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Love, Relationship, Separation, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Coaching, Discovery, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship
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 I am wary of the term “spiritual intelligence” for the misdirection it may infer. Spiritual intelligence (SQ) has no necessary connection to religion. There are many humanists and atheists who have very high SQ, while there probably are an equal number of outspoken religious devotees who have very low SQ. I am a secularist. I prefer to reference this intelligence as “more than me” intelligence (MTM), simply to confirm its secular base. This intelligence includes the ability to create a life dedicated to the benefit of all beings, not just you, your family, friends, cohort or clan. It rests on an awareness of and assessment of meaning and value, with which you can place your actions and lives into a wider, richer context. It manifests in your ability to initiate and sustain practices that strengthen your connection to all people and all living systems. It is an intelligence that is suffused with awareness, empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, and wisdom.
Danah Zohar and Dr. Ian Marshall write in SQ,The Ultimate Intelligence,
Human beings are essentially spiritual creatures because we are driven by a need to ask “fundamental” or “ultimate” questions… We are driven… by a specifically human longing to find meaning and value in what we do and experience. We have a longing to see our lives in some larger, meaning-giving… context we have a longing for something towards which we can aspire, for something that takes us beyond ourselves in the present moment, for something that gives us and our actions a sense of worth… Keep Reading »
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Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, identifies, as the most common regret of all, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Five Regrets. I thought it might be worth our while to drill down this a bit on this regret to see what we can learn.
