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Posts Tagged ‘Healing’
Posted on Tuesday, May 1st, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Narrative, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, identifies, as the most common regret of all, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Five Regrets. I thought it might be worth our while to drill down this a bit on this regret to see what we can learn.
Now, I must begin with a caveat. In my eight years as a hospice volunteer, I really haven’t heard all that many regrets. I certainly haven’t heard enough of them to accumulate lists, identify patterns, or establish rankings. It may be that so many of our residents have lost cognitive capacity, don’t speak English or, having been “rescued” from the city’s streets or prisons or other horrific my circumstances, that discussion of regrets is either not possible or not a high priority. Most of my conversations with residents concern the here and now – the next meal, pain management, the day’s events pertaining to the individual or family, the evening’s television schedule. Regrets, to the extent that they arise at all, accompany life review conversations, in which residents attempt to find meaning in what has transpired in their lives. You may recall the hospice story that I previously published about Chloe, who in her final hours, attempted to reconcile her desire to be a good mother with the fact that her sons were forcibly removed from her custody due to the extremes of her schizophrenia. Her regret was specific — she had failed in her maternal expectations. But at life’s end, she was able to alter her perception, eliminate her regret, and find redemption in the fact that surrendering her sons was the “best mothering” of which she was capable in light of her mental illness. Keep Reading »
Posted on Wednesday, April 25th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Balance, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Money, Neuroscience, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Happiness, Healing, Hope, Legacy, Listening, Money, Neuroscience, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 My friend, Frank Yatsu, M.D., died shortly before a 5000 doctors survey conducted by The Doctors Company, the nation’s largest physician and surgeon medical liability insurer, revealed that 9 out of 10 of the country’s physicians are unwilling to recommend the profession to others. Frank, an emeritus UT Professor of Neurology and former Department Chair, and I had intended to write an article for a medical journal career on job dissatisfaction in medicine.Don’t Wait A startling 43% of surveyed physicians further declared that they are contemplating retirement as result of “transformative changes” in health care system, which will only exacerbate the existing physician shortage. That’s is not great news, as the federal Affordable Care Act adds an additional 32 million Americans into the healthcare system by 2014. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, April 17th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Balance, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Love, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Happiness, Healing, Hope, Kindness, Legacy, Listening, Love, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 I was forwarded, by one of you, an article from a British newspaper on the forthcoming publication of a book by Bronnie Ware entitled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed. While I only just have ordered the book, I thought that its themes, as described in The Guardian article, were worthy of discussion now. Ware had served as a palliative care nurse in Australia, caring for patients at the end of their lives. She had collected their end of life observations and written about them at her Inspiration and Chai blog. Much as I have observed, Ware began to see common themes and extraordinary wisdom that seems to blossom in people as their lives draw to a close. Interestingly, Ware heard about “regrets,” a topic not as common to me in my work. But she recorded the end of life epiphanies as a lesson plan for the living and moved from blogging into authoring her book. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, April 12th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Change, Death, Empathy, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Rest, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Kindness, Legacy, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship, Transition
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“Don’t Wait” is the fifth and final of the Five Precepts of Hospice Care developed by the Zen Hospice Project, which directs our hospice volunteer activities at San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital. I only had recently written about the Five Precepts, explaining as to the fifth, “You only have this moment in which to be of service. If you are aware and attentive, you will do your best. If you wait, the moment will pass and you only will have regret. And, while your are regretting, another moment will pass. Now is the only time for caring, for serving, for doing your best.” I didn’t realize how quickly I was about to again encounter the poignancy of that precept.
 I had met Frank Yatsu at a dinner honoring Louise Renne, the former San Francisco City Attorney, for her efforts in bringing about the construction of the new Laguna Honda Hospital which had only recently opened its doors. I serve with Louise on the Laguna Honda Foundation Board which raises funds to supplement hospital services and programs. Frank was a longtime friend of Louise. The event, held in a delightful, small restaurant along San Francisco’s northern waterfront began with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres and was followed by one of those sumptuous San Francisco cuisine meals. I don’t believe that I had met Frank before the dinner. And we did not sit at the same table during dinner. But as dinner began to wind down, there began a series of short testimonials, honoring Louise for her work in handling the various legal issues that threatened to close the old hospital, the efforts to secure funds for the new hospital, and her continuous leadership in preventing this monumental project from being sidetracked by the myriad of “only in San Francisco” regulatory and political snares. Following the planned remarks of several speakers, the evening’s emcee and Louise’ husband, Paul Renne, asked if anyone had anything else to add. I volunteered with remarks directed toward the remarkable people who served the largely indigent San Francisco population resident at the hospital as well as that population itself. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, April 5th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Empathy, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Dogs, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Kindness, Love, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Trust, Trust, Uncategorized
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 On February 10, 2012, Nancy and I met with about ten volunteers from the Peninsula Humane Society at the end of the day to discuss our book, #DOG Tweet – 140 Perspectives On What Our Dogs Teach Us About Being Human. The volunteers care for and train surrendered dogs and other animals, preparing them for adoption. We had gathered to engage in what I had imagined to be a “crowdsourcing” event, designed to test the approach and validity of our book’s content. Crowdsourcing, according to Wikipedia, “is a problem-solving and production process that involves outsourcing tasks to a network of people, also known as the crowd.” Whether or not we fit the evolving definition of crowdsourcing, we hoped to bring people together to share their perspectives on what makes these dog/human relationships so special. This was to be more than “brainstorming” as we did not wish our colleagues to limit their perspectives to the cognitive domain. We wanted to hear about the emotional, somatic, social and even spiritual contributions dogs made to the lives of others. We wanted to know how those contributions might enable us to improve ourselves and our relationships with others, and human and nonhuman alike. And we were not disappointed. Here are some of the thoughts that arose out of our conversation. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Grief, Healing, Listening, Love, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Hope, Kindness, Listening, Love, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 One question, that arises from conversations about my hospice work, never has been asked of me in a group setting. It usually is put to me in a “sidebar,” in muted tones. Strangers never ask this question. It, apparently, is reserved for friends. “So, what do you think really happens when you die?” I don’t consider it an odd question, nor a particularly intimate one. In many respects, I wish it were a more prominent subject of conversation. But, it brings with it a lot of baggage. And, even in writing about it here, I undertake no small risk. Why risk? If you think about it, many of our beliefs, judgments and social values are derivatives of an attempt to answer that simple question. Whatever I believe, no matter how carefully considered or stated, will offend someone. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Elders, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Kindness, Listening, Love, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Transition
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 At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Posted on Friday, March 16th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Discovery, Elders, Generosity, Healing, Legacy, Listening, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Fear, Generosity, Legacy, Listening, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 It’s been five years since my mother died. Four years prior to her passing, I began to recognize, with the astute eye and insistence of my sister, Kathy, that my mother was going through significant changes in her alertness and general competency. We would come to learn that she suffered from Lewy Body Dementia, an affliction that brings with it the dementia of Alzheimer’s disease and the physical incapacitation of Parkinson’s disease. I’ll never forget reviewing her MRI with her neurologist which revealed such a massive diminution of her brain’s size that I marveled that she could function at all. Ironically, as I took this all in, my father (who sat disconnected across the room, not wanting to participate in the discussion of my mother’s condition) was invisibly sliding into Alzheimer’s disease. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Death, Discovery, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship, Spirituality, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Change, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship
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 I wrote the following holiday article almost two years ago to the day. A couple of things stand out about it as I prepare to post it for you. First, the story told remains as powerful to me now as when I originally wrote it. I hope that you will find it powerful for you as well. Second, I’m struck by how much has changed since the story was written. Two years may not seem like much time, particularly as I approach my 63rd birthday on December 28. But as you intentionally attempt to slow down and grow your awareness, every moment goes richer and life becomes more abundant. As you attend to the detail of life’s abundance, you become more aware of the constantly changing order of the universe and learn to accommodate, even embrace, change. The one change that I have accommodated, more than embraced, since this was written, was the passing of my father in November 2010.
This is a story referencing a story. You will find a link to my original 2006 writing, Chloe’s Story, here. My thanks goes to the good people at https://www.deathwise.org/ for republishing my hospice stories.
I send this out to you, recognizing that this post violates conventions of acceptable length, in the hope that it brings you some warmth and hope for the holiday season. It also is intended to remind you to find the best in strangers as well as yourself. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, December 6th, 2011
Tags: Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Healing, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Fear, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
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 More often than not, this blog allows me the privilege of testing out new ideas and perspectives with an engaged, supportive readership. From my efforts here, I’ve written many articles and developed talks that I subsequently have delivered in the Bay Area and beyond. Recently, however, I have had three occasions where my writing first appeared as one of my columns in the Daily Journal, the state’s leading legal newsdaily, only to eventually be posted, with additional commentary, here. The first article, What Happened to Our Profession, was published on September 21, 2011 and featured in my posts of September 22 (Blog About Your Trust) and September 27 (Examining and Reclaiming the Trust You Hold). The article was triggered by my attendance at a September conference I attended in Chicago on “Reimagining the Legal Profession.” The second article, The Price Paid for Abandoning Common Sense Ethics, published on October 13, 2011, was also given its start from the same conference. It might have lingered longer in gestation had I not accepted the “challenge” to deliver an ethics talk at a continuing legal education course in the first week of November. The two-day conference was focused on developments in eminent domain and condemnation law, areas in which I have worked, but do not specialize. I wanted to attend the conference. I was happy to be on its faculty. And, I wanted to meet the challenge of giving the ethics part of the program.
California lawyers required to engage in 36 hours of continuing legal education every 3 years to maintain their ability to practice. One of those 36 hours is required to be devoted to ethics. For many, ethics training isn’t particularly interesting or necessary for the continued practice. Speakers on ethics are usually relegated to one of two deadly program slots - the last hour of the day or immediately after lunch. The ugly truth is attendees have the option of either cutting out early or taking a longer lunch, while still receiving credit for having attended the program - an ethical problem in its own right. Never one to duck a challenge, I often accept the ethics part of the program as an opportunity to make the subject relevant and engaging. And, it’s always easy to accept an invitation to speak in June, when the program is 5 months out. All I had to do was negotiate a better time in the program roster. Keep Reading »
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Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, identifies, as the most common regret of all, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Five Regrets. I thought it might be worth our while to drill down this a bit on this regret to see what we can learn.
