What emotional states are you bringing to your parenting? Another way of asking the same question is: “Who is showing up to parent?” Let’s review the answer to this question from three temporal contexts. First, what is the background emotional tone of your life? You can find it embedded in your narrative – the story you tell yourself about yourself. Do you see the world generally as a hostile place from which you constantly seek safety? Are the causes of bad things that happen to you permanent -  they always will be there, affecting your life?

According to  positive psychologist, Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, “If you think about bad things in terms of  ‘always’ and ‘never’ and abiding traits, you have a permanent, pessimistic style.” When good things happen, pessimists see the cause as transient, resulting from specific factors or circumstances. Quite the opposite, when optimists suffer a setback, they see it as temporary. On the other hand, to optimists, good events are attributable to permanent  causes, such as  personal traits and abilities. Remember that your narrative consists of beliefs. Your beliefs may or may not rest on fact. But one thing is true -  how you see the world will affect how you bring the world to your child. In Seligman’s view, your narrative’s outlook determines whether or not you will be able to maintain hope.  As Seligman elaborates,“People who make permanent and universal explanations for good events, as well as temporary and specific explanations for bad events, bounce back from troubles briskly and get on a roll easily when they succeed  wants. People who make temporary and specific explanations for success, and permanent and universal explanations for setbacks, tend to collapse under pressure — both for a long time and across situations — and rarely get on a roll.” Imagine, for the moment, the consequences of parenting without hope. Keep Reading »