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Posts Tagged ‘Making Amends’
Posted on Thursday, April 19th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, ATONEMENT, Awareness, Balance, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Kindness, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Kindness, Listening, Love, Narrative, Optimism, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
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 I sat with a young colleague the other evening who was bemoaning his fate as he crossed into his mid forties. He couldn’t carouse as he used to. He was losing muscle mass and stamina. His hairline was receding. Some of the early ticks of memory were beginning to show. He wasn’t sure how he could keep up with his youthful expectations at the rate of decline that he was experiencing. He turned to me and asked, “How do you continue to do it at your age?”
I was glad that he asked. This is what I told him:
I can’t tell you what a blessing it is to mature! I get up every morning with gratitude for the fact that I am still here. I love and am loved by my family and a few friends. I am privileged to do work that I love. I am not pursuing anything that is not consistent with my constantly evolving sense of my life’s purpose. I continue to evolve the manner in which I practice law to bring a more refined and subtle integrity to what I do, serving my clients while creating the most abundant outcomes for all parties involved. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Elders, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Kindness, Listening, Love, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Transition
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 At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Posted on Saturday, October 15th, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Making Amends, Perception, Personality, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Perception, Relationship, Transition
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 This post is being written in the week that Steve Jobs died. Now that may seem a bit peculiar opening, but I can tie it together. Because of my work with the dying, more than one friend sent me a copy of Jobs’ 2005 Stanford University commencement address in which Jobs referred candidly to his cancer and ultimate demise (See Commencement Address). I thought it was an extraordinary talk. And, I have no doubt of his sincerity and insight. Cancer is a remarkable inducement for insight. My only prior encounter with Jobs had involved a dispute over alleged child abuse at the school for “gifted” children that my kids attended and it wasn’t a pleasant one. Jobs was on the wrong side of the dispute and he lost. But he formed a lasting impression on me that only changed upon viewing the commencement address. He was a good teacher for me, reminding me of the need to follow my own coaching advice. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, ATONEMENT, Awareness, Change, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Making Amends, Narrative, Perception, Personality, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 I want to thank those of you who have spent the time to review my posts on transgression and atonement. By now you have read over 4000 words on a subject, which, when I undertook this journey, I had no idea that I had to contribute.
I have been engaged in the practice of examining my transgressions and making amends for well over a decade. No doubt, the practice arose from my post cancer inquiry into my life’s purpose. As I examined what gave my life meaning, I continued to run into those boulders in the soil that impeded my furrowing into more fertile ground. For a while, I went around them.  There is a lot of self-denial around transgressions.  You treat them as if they were impersonal, harmless acts. You blame the victim of your transgressions, attempting to make the victim of the “cause” of your thoughtless acts. You create “excuse stories” that seek to blend your transgressions into the larger setting of your family, your work, or your culture, trying to minimize the impact of your acts and the inappropriateness of your behavior.  But as time goes on, the number of boulders forces you to give them your attention. You cannot move forward until you carefully examine your past. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, July 7th, 2011
Tags: ATONEMENT, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Making Amends, Perception, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Listening, Perception, Relationship
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 We continue with our review of making amends as prescribed by Steps 8 & 9 of the 12 Step Program to ascertain what teachings may be applicable to your own works of atonement.
Step 9 of the 12 Step Program completes what was started in Step 8. You make amends to those you have harmed. The idea is to restore in a direct way that which you have broken or damaged — or, if that is not possible, to make restoration indirectly. An apology may be part of an amend, but alone is not sufficient.  If you borrowed a sum of money from a friend to buy drugs, an apology would be “ I’m sorry that I borrowed the money, bought drugs, and didn’t repay you.” An amend would be the apology plus “Here is your money with interest.” Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, June 30th, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, ATONEMENT, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Making Amends, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Perception, Relationship, Transition
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 A transgression arises from your inappropriate response to particular situation. If spelled-out as a mathematical equation, it would read: Transgression = Interference + Inappropriate Response + Harm to Another.
Transgressions arise from a multitude of circumstances and are almost infinite in kind and severity. But we can consider any single transgression from each of four quadrants: subjective, objective, relational and environmental. It is important to understand the nature of the transgression to determine whether it is appropriate for atonement, its priority, and what may be the appropriate amends to be made. Keep Reading »
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I sat with a young colleague the other evening who was bemoaning his fate as he crossed into his mid forties. He couldn’t carouse as he used to. He was losing muscle mass and stamina. His hairline was receding. Some of the early ticks of memory were beginning to show. He wasn’t sure how he could keep up with his youthful expectations at the rate of decline that he was experiencing. He turned to me and asked, “How do you continue to do it at your age?”
