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Posts Tagged ‘Narrative’
Posted on Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Legacy, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Discovery, Legacy, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
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 I had sandwiched the reading of George Lakoff’s Don’t Think Of An Elephant!/ How Democrats And Progressives Can Win: Know Your Values And Frame The Debate, between the reading of two recently published and very compelling books. The first, by Catherine Cain, is entitled Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can\’t Stop Talking. Cain maintains that at least one third of the people we know are introverts. But, as Cain thoughtfully argues, introverts often find themselves as strangers in a strange land as they attempt to reside in a 21st-century culture framed by the Extrovert Ideal – “the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha and comfortable in the spotlight.” In this frame, there’s a preference for action over contemplation, risk taking over prudence, certainty over doubt. It favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. In the Extrovert Ideal, introverts are second-class citizens, exceptions to the rule. The second book, by Charles Duhigg, is the The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Here, Duhigg tells the intriguing story of why habits exist and how they can be changed. In so doing, he advances a fresh perspective on human nature and its potential for transformation.
What the two books share, which also ties them to the Lakoff frame structure that we last discussed (It Begins With The Words), is the use of Rosa Parks as an icon to represent their respective frames. In Quiet’s chapter on “The Myth of Charismatic Leadership,” Cain observes, “Parks’ actions that day were brave and singular, but it was in the legal fallout that her quiet strength truly shown… [B]ecause of her nature, Parks was the perfect plaintiff not only because she was a devout Christian, not only because she was an upstanding citizen, but also because she was gentle…[I]t was Parks quiet strength that made her unassailable.” Cain concludes that the “Parks story is a vivid reminder that we have been graced with the limelight-avoiding leaders throughout history.” Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, May 1st, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Narrative, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, identifies, as the most common regret of all, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Five Regrets. I thought it might be worth our while to drill down this a bit on this regret to see what we can learn.
Now, I must begin with a caveat. In my eight years as a hospice volunteer, I really haven’t heard all that many regrets. I certainly haven’t heard enough of them to accumulate lists, identify patterns, or establish rankings. It may be that so many of our residents have lost cognitive capacity, don’t speak English or, having been “rescued” from the city’s streets or prisons or other horrific my circumstances, that discussion of regrets is either not possible or not a high priority. Most of my conversations with residents concern the here and now – the next meal, pain management, the day’s events pertaining to the individual or family, the evening’s television schedule. Regrets, to the extent that they arise at all, accompany life review conversations, in which residents attempt to find meaning in what has transpired in their lives. You may recall the hospice story that I previously published about Chloe, who in her final hours, attempted to reconcile her desire to be a good mother with the fact that her sons were forcibly removed from her custody due to the extremes of her schizophrenia. Her regret was specific — she had failed in her maternal expectations. But at life’s end, she was able to alter her perception, eliminate her regret, and find redemption in the fact that surrendering her sons was the “best mothering” of which she was capable in light of her mental illness. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, April 19th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, ATONEMENT, Awareness, Balance, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Kindness, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Kindness, Listening, Love, Narrative, Optimism, Perception, Purpose, Relationship
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 I sat with a young colleague the other evening who was bemoaning his fate as he crossed into his mid forties. He couldn’t carouse as he used to. He was losing muscle mass and stamina. His hairline was receding. Some of the early ticks of memory were beginning to show. He wasn’t sure how he could keep up with his youthful expectations at the rate of decline that he was experiencing. He turned to me and asked, “How do you continue to do it at your age?”
I was glad that he asked. This is what I told him:
I can’t tell you what a blessing it is to mature! I get up every morning with gratitude for the fact that I am still here. I love and am loved by my family and a few friends. I am privileged to do work that I love. I am not pursuing anything that is not consistent with my constantly evolving sense of my life’s purpose. I continue to evolve the manner in which I practice law to bring a more refined and subtle integrity to what I do, serving my clients while creating the most abundant outcomes for all parties involved. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Grief, Healing, Listening, Love, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Compassion, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Empathy, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Hope, Kindness, Listening, Love, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 One question, that arises from conversations about my hospice work, never has been asked of me in a group setting. It usually is put to me in a “sidebar,” in muted tones. Strangers never ask this question. It, apparently, is reserved for friends. “So, what do you think really happens when you die?” I don’t consider it an odd question, nor a particularly intimate one. In many respects, I wish it were a more prominent subject of conversation. But, it brings with it a lot of baggage. And, even in writing about it here, I undertake no small risk. Why risk? If you think about it, many of our beliefs, judgments and social values are derivatives of an attempt to answer that simple question. Whatever I believe, no matter how carefully considered or stated, will offend someone. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Listening, Love, Making Amends, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Spirituality, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Elders, Empathy, Fear, Forgiveness, Generosity, Healing, Kindness, Listening, Love, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Silence, Spaciousness, Transition
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 At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Posted on Friday, March 16th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Discovery, Elders, Generosity, Healing, Legacy, Listening, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Communicating, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Elders, Fear, Generosity, Legacy, Listening, Narrative, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Transition
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 It’s been five years since my mother died. Four years prior to her passing, I began to recognize, with the astute eye and insistence of my sister, Kathy, that my mother was going through significant changes in her alertness and general competency. We would come to learn that she suffered from Lewy Body Dementia, an affliction that brings with it the dementia of Alzheimer’s disease and the physical incapacitation of Parkinson’s disease. I’ll never forget reviewing her MRI with her neurologist which revealed such a massive diminution of her brain’s size that I marveled that she could function at all. Ironically, as I took this all in, my father (who sat disconnected across the room, not wanting to participate in the discussion of my mother’s condition) was invisibly sliding into Alzheimer’s disease. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, March 1st, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Happiness, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Fear, Happiness, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Transition
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 When I advised you that I would be reviewing David Rock’s Your Brain at Work, Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long, I imagined that I would provide an informed summary in one or two posts, at most. As I now sit here, preparing part 3, I recognize how rich Rock’s book to be. Recognize that I’m only scratching the surface of the material that he supplies. My purpose here is to intrigue you sufficiently about this work and its relationship to other forthcoming volumes that I will review, to read, indeed study, this work yourself. I purposely have not referenced Rock’s specific discussions of the brain’s anatomy, beyond the introduction of the prefrontal cortex, because to do so would too severely tax this blog’s format. Suffice it to say that the advice he renders is fully supported by a discussion of modern brain science. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, March 1st, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Meditation, Narrative, Neuroscience, Perception, Transition
Categories: Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Narrative, Neuroscience, Perception, Transition
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 We continue with our examination of Your Brain At Work by David Rock. Utilizing Rock’s metaphor of the prefrontal cortex as a small, energy-hungry stage, a number of principles follow concerning overwhelm and multiple tasking, and in succeeding chapters, Rock enumerates them:
The less you hold in mind at once, the better;Â new ideas take up more space on the stage than what you already know;Â memory degrades as you hold more than one idea in mind; the optimal number of items to compare in decision-making is two; the optimal number of different ideas to hold in mind is no more than 3 or 4; focus on only one conscious task at a time; switching between tasks uses energy and increases error; performing multiple conscious tasks results in drop-off in accuracy and performance; multitasking only should be done with routine tasks. Keep Reading »
Posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death, Discovery, Generosity, Grief, Love, Meditation, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Spaciousness, Spirituality
Categories: Awareness, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Death & Dying, Discovery, Generosity, Love, Meditation, Optimism, Perception, Pessimism, Relationship, Spaciousness, Transition
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 Integral Intelligence (II) refers to that state of being in which you are concurrently aware of and able to utilize your other intelligences synergistically. Moreover, II allows you to overcome the compartmentalization, limitations and distortion which may arise from allowing one intelligence or another to dominate from time to time or in certain situations. Here are some simple examples. You may not function well intellectually, emotionally or socially when you are hungry or verging on illness. An astute somatic awareness will alert you to the risks of certain undertakings, such that you either proceed with caution or postpone them to another day. Or, you recently have experienced a death in the family and are grieving your loss. You recognize that your emotional state will impede your somatic intelligence, so this is not the time to go rock climbing. You choose to go for a hike, instead. Or, you’ve worked for twelve days straight, without a break, and are invited to an evening of socializing with friends. You recognize that you lack the physical energy as well as the mental acuity to effectively engage a social situation. So, instead, you take your partner out for a quiet meal. The permutations are limitless. But the higher functioning to be realized from acknowledging the interdependencies of the various intelligences and working with them integrally cannot be overlooked. II is an intelligence not much recognized beyond a small circle of psychologists, philosophers, educators and coaches. It is not been the subject of protracted study, although various authors such as Ken Wilber, Ervin Laszlo, Peter Senge, Robert Sternberg, and others have been building a framework for its definition and wider acceptance. Many have begun to equate effective leadership with high II, all though I know of no metric for its measurement that been established. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, January 24th, 2012
Tags: Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Hope, Love, Mood, Narrative, Optimism, Perception, Pessimism, Relationship
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Happiness, Hope, Love, Narrative, Optimism, Perception, Pessimism, Relationship
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 What emotional states are you bringing to your parenting? Another way of asking the same question is: “Who is showing up to parent?” Let’s review the answer to this question from three temporal contexts. First, what is the background emotional tone of your life? You can find it embedded in your narrative – the story you tell yourself about yourself. Do you see the world generally as a hostile place from which you constantly seek safety? Are the causes of bad things that happen to you permanent -Â they always will be there, affecting your life?
According to positive psychologist, Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, “If you think about bad things in terms of ‘always’ and ‘never’ and abiding traits, you have a permanent, pessimistic style.” When good things happen, pessimists see the cause as transient, resulting from specific factors or circumstances. Quite the opposite, when optimists suffer a setback, they see it as temporary. On the other hand, to optimists, good events are attributable to permanent causes, such as personal traits and abilities. Remember that your narrative consists of beliefs. Your beliefs may or may not rest on fact. But one thing is true - how you see the world will affect how you bring the world to your child. In Seligman’s view, your narrative’s outlook determines whether or not you will be able to maintain hope. As Seligman elaborates,“People who make permanent and universal explanations for good events, as well as temporary and specific explanations for bad events, bounce back from troubles briskly and get on a roll easily when they succeed wants. People who make temporary and specific explanations for success, and permanent and universal explanations for setbacks, tend to collapse under pressure — both for a long time and across situations — and rarely get on a roll.” Imagine, for the moment, the consequences of parenting without hope. Keep Reading »
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