One question, that arises from conversations about my hospice work, never has been asked of me in a group setting. It usually is put to me in a “sidebar,” in muted tones. Strangers never ask this question. It, apparently, is reserved for friends. “So, what do you think really happens when you die?” I don’t consider it an odd question, nor a particularly intimate one. In many respects, I wish it were a more prominent subject of conversation. But, it brings with it a lot of baggage. And, even in writing about it here, I undertake no small risk. Why risk? If you think about it, many of our beliefs, judgments and social values are derivatives of an attempt to answer that simple question. Whatever I believe, no matter how carefully considered or stated, will offend someone. Keep Reading »
Posts Tagged ‘Spirituality’
Serving at the End of Another’s Life, Part 2
At the outset of my work as a hospice volunteer, there were things that put me off. I don’t necessarily recall what my emotional responses were those many years ago, because I have learned to live with them. One category of offense that I have learned to live with stems from olfactory responses to conditions such as feces, stale urine, vomit and necrotic tissue. Smell triggers ancient fear responses. I have learned no way to overcome them, except to carry a small supply of Vick’s VapoRub or other ointment, which I apply to my nasal passages. This allows me time to deal with the immediate situation, which usually is cleaned up in relatively short order. I imagine that this is enough to turn many of you off. But let me put it in context. Keep Reading »
Awareness and Parenting, Part 8 – Integral Intelligence & Wrap Up
Integral Intelligence (II) refers to that state of being in which you are concurrently aware of and able to utilize your other intelligences synergistically. Moreover, II allows you to overcome the compartmentalization, limitations and distortion which may arise from allowing one intelligence or another to dominate from time to time or in certain situations. Here are some simple examples. You may not function well intellectually, emotionally or socially when you are hungry or verging on illness. An astute somatic awareness will alert you to the risks of certain undertakings, such that you either proceed with caution or postpone them to another day. Or, you recently have experienced a death in the family and are grieving your loss. You recognize that your emotional state will impede your somatic intelligence, so this is not the time to go rock climbing. You choose to go for a hike, instead. Or, you’ve worked for twelve days straight, without a break, and are invited to an evening of socializing with friends. You recognize that you lack the physical energy as well as the mental acuity to effectively engage a social situation. So, instead, you take your partner out for a quiet meal. The permutations are limitless. But the higher functioning to be realized from acknowledging the interdependencies of the various intelligences and working with them integrally cannot be overlooked. II is an intelligence not much recognized beyond a small circle of psychologists, philosophers, educators and coaches. It is not been the subject of protracted study, although various authors such as Ken Wilber, Ervin Laszlo, Peter Senge, Robert Sternberg, and others have been building a framework for its definition and wider acceptance. Many have begun to equate effective leadership with high II, all though I know of no metric for its measurement that been established. Keep Reading »
Awareness and Parenting, Part 2, Big Picture
I left the last post with the observation, “Become aware of who you are, because ‘who you are’ is what you give to your child.”
There was a time when I used to “bet” my wife, Nancy, when we used to accompany our children to various “kid parties,” like birthdays, school events and the like, that I could spot the children of lawyers, simply by the way they conducted themselves. I was a bit full of myself then and, in the last decade or so, I have been taught quite a bit about the complexity of our species and its behaviors. But I did experience some rather uncanny results. Nancy was the primary caregiver, so I didn’t know many of the children. But, at any particular gathering, I might spot some engaged child, focus on him/her for a few minutes, declare my conclusion to Nancy, that this child was parented by a lawyer, and voilĂ , my conclusion would be confirmed. This wasn’t as insightful as you may think. Many of the parents at our children’ a school were lawyers. Certainly not all, or even a vast majority. But I would guess that of all parenting couples, probably 20 to 25% had one parent in the legal profession. So what was it that I was seeing that led me to these conclusions? And, what difference did it make that I could make such an assessment? Keep Reading »
Something for the Holidays
I wrote the following holiday article almost two years ago to the day. A couple of things stand out about it as I prepare to post it for you. First, the story told remains as powerful to me now as when I originally wrote it. I hope that you will find it powerful for you as well. Second, I’m struck by how much has changed since the story was written. Two years may not seem like much time, particularly as I approach my 63rd birthday on December 28. But as you intentionally attempt to slow down and grow your awareness, every moment goes richer and life becomes more abundant. As you attend to the detail of life’s abundance, you become more aware of the constantly changing order of the universe and learn to accommodate, even embrace, change. The one change that I have accommodated, more than embraced, since this was written, was the passing of my father in November 2010.
This is a story referencing a story. You will find a link to my original 2006 writing, Chloe’s Story, here. My thanks goes to the good people at https://www.deathwise.org/ for republishing my hospice stories.
I send this out to you, recognizing that this post violates conventions of acceptable length, in the hope that it brings you some warmth and hope for the holiday season. It also is intended to remind you to find the best in strangers as well as yourself. Keep Reading »
Haiku Moments
In response to my #DEATH tweet books, readers often make comments about the “haiku” quality of the individual “tweets.” While an aficionado of great poetry, I previously had never studied haiku’s form or the “great works” of the genre. My first exposure to haiku came through the reading of poems of my friend, acupuncturist and Chinese medicine practitioner, Suzanne Freeman – a nice Jewish girl from New York, who gave up the practice of law, to follow her calling into healing. I recently became more serious about my pursuit of the haiku form as Nancy and I began our work on #DOG Tweet. Was there something in haiku that would aid us in our writing?
Patricia Donegan wrote a wonderful book, Haiku Mind – 108 Poems to Cultivate Awareness and Open Your Heart, which has served as my portal into this poignant poetic form. The haiku traditional form consists of 17 syllables in three phrases ( 5-7-5) in Japanese or, usually, three lines in English. According to Donegan, “A fine haiku presents a crystalline moment of heightened awareness in simple imagery, traditionally using a kigo, or “season” word from nature.” That crystalline moment causes us to pause and be present to every day wonders. At the same time, the haiku references the ordinary and profound, the mundane and the sacred. It invites you to take a breath and relax, if for only a moment. That moment of awareness and relaxation is what Donegan describes as the “haiku mind.” A modern example from the great 20th century haiku poet, Shuson Kato: Keep Reading »
#PET tweet – What Our Animals Teach Us About Being Human
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In the Afterword to #DEATH tweet, Book 02 – 140 Perspectives on Being a Supportive Witness to the End of Life, I spoke of my intention to next write #DEMENTIA tweet – 140 Perspectives on Supporting Another With Dementia. My lovely wife, Nancy, suggested that, since I had spent the last two years in researching and writing on the subject of death, I might move to the head of the line of my book projects a subject with a little less gravity.
Interestingly enough, I had decided to write #PET tweet – 140 Perspectives on What Our Animals Teach Us About Being Human, based on my experiences of watching hospice residents at Laguna Honda Hospital interact with visiting pets brought to the ward by our volunteers. While there are a lot of ways to describe those interactions, I saw them as nothing short of “healing” experiences. Pain temporarily abated, smiles abounded, time expanded, and intimate connections were made. Keep Reading »
100 Posts and Counting!!
Some Thoughts on Neuroscience & Religion
When I considered getting into the topic of neuroscience, I imagined that I would make the introduction through such books as The Emotional Brain  by Joseph LeDoux, The Body Has A Mind of Its Own by Sandra and Matthew Blakeslee, The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, M.D. and Self Comes To Mind by Antonio Damasio. All of these are secular, scientific books.  As it turned out, through the happenstance of a telephone conversation with Rick Hanson, the subject was first presented with reference to his book, Buddha’s Brain, through which Rick carefully weaves best of modern neuroscience with the highly complementary thoughts and practices of Buddhism.
I very much like Buddha’s Brain. It is carefully crafted and based on good science. The fact that Rick is able to show the interrelationship of modern science with contemplative practice works for our betterment. It provides approaches for the relief of suffering, for greater life fulfillment and happiness. Yet, I realize that there are some who prefer that the world remain secular.Â
Frankly, I have nothing to proselytize, as I am a student of all philosophy, psychology, science and spirit. I seek to expose you and me to new ideas and perspectives as well as old ideas and perspectives with the new “twists” to see if they assist us in moving forward with our lives, freed from burden, and excited by new prospects. Keep Reading »
Spirituality
A lot of people will tell me that they are “spiritual,” but not religious. When I ask “What do you mean by spiritual?” I get a variety of answers. They vary from a belief in a higher consciousness to a sense that all things are interconnected to “I really don’t know.” My good friend and founder of New Ventures West, James Flaherty, said it to me best. Spiritual to James means “more than me.” Spirituality is a fundamental recognition that our existence on the planet is not to serve ourselves, but to serve one another. It is founded on the notion that while we are independent beings, we also are interdependent. Each of us exists in relationship to one another and all things. This concept of “spirit” carries with it the notion of responsibility. And, from responsibility arises the notion of “purpose.”
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