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Posts Tagged ‘Trust’
Posted on Thursday, April 12th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Change, Death, Empathy, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Rest, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Change, Communicating, Compassion, Death & Dying, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Kindness, Legacy, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship, Transition
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“Don’t Wait” is the fifth and final of the Five Precepts of Hospice Care developed by the Zen Hospice Project, which directs our hospice volunteer activities at San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital. I only had recently written about the Five Precepts, explaining as to the fifth, “You only have this moment in which to be of service. If you are aware and attentive, you will do your best. If you wait, the moment will pass and you only will have regret. And, while your are regretting, another moment will pass. Now is the only time for caring, for serving, for doing your best.” I didn’t realize how quickly I was about to again encounter the poignancy of that precept.
 I had met Frank Yatsu at a dinner honoring Louise Renne, the former San Francisco City Attorney, for her efforts in bringing about the construction of the new Laguna Honda Hospital which had only recently opened its doors. I serve with Louise on the Laguna Honda Foundation Board which raises funds to supplement hospital services and programs. Frank was a longtime friend of Louise. The event, held in a delightful, small restaurant along San Francisco’s northern waterfront began with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres and was followed by one of those sumptuous San Francisco cuisine meals. I don’t believe that I had met Frank before the dinner. And we did not sit at the same table during dinner. But as dinner began to wind down, there began a series of short testimonials, honoring Louise for her work in handling the various legal issues that threatened to close the old hospital, the efforts to secure funds for the new hospital, and her continuous leadership in preventing this monumental project from being sidetracked by the myriad of “only in San Francisco” regulatory and political snares. Following the planned remarks of several speakers, the evening’s emcee and Louise’ husband, Paul Renne, asked if anyone had anything else to add. I volunteered with remarks directed toward the remarkable people who served the largely indigent San Francisco population resident at the hospital as well as that population itself. Keep Reading »
Posted on Saturday, February 4th, 2012
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Body / Mind, Change, Coaching, Discovery, Fear, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Love, Meditation, Perception, Relationship, Spaciousness, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Body/Mind, Change, Coaching, Curiosity, Discovery, Fear, Generosity, Listening, Love, Meditation, Perception, Relationship, Spaciousness, Trust
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 Social intelligence refers to your competency to successfully engage others, leading to mutually satisfying relationships. It includes the ability to listen deeply and communicate profoundly with widely diverse individuals and groups. It involves seeing the world from others’ perspectives, the ability to collaborate on problems and co-create outcomes, as well as the ability to effectively compromise, allowing your desires to be subsumed for the benefit of the relationship, all without sacrificing your worth or dignity. Social intelligence generally is not a fixed attribute. Rather, it is an ever evolving complex of information processing skills, which can be modified to alter attitudes and behavior. Social intelligence should not be conflated with social skills, which constitute only a subset.
According to Daniel Goleman, in Social Intelligence: The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships, parent-child responsiveness creates the path for parents to help their children “learn the ground rules for relationships — how to attend to another person, how to pace an interaction, how to engage in conversation, how to tune in to the other person’s feelings, and how to manage your own feelings while you are engaged with someone else.” These rules form the foundation for competent social living. According to Goleman, children lacking synchronous parenting are at risk of growing up with disturbed attachment patterns. Children raised by attuned parents tend to be secure; while anxious parenting yields anxious children and aloof parenting produces avoidant children. The attachment style of a parent predicts the child’s social style with about 70% accuracy. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Death, Discovery, Generosity, Happiness, Healing, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship, Spirituality, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Balance, Change, Discovery, Forgiveness, Generosity, Happiness, Listening, Love, Perception, Relationship
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 I wrote the following holiday article almost two years ago to the day. A couple of things stand out about it as I prepare to post it for you. First, the story told remains as powerful to me now as when I originally wrote it. I hope that you will find it powerful for you as well. Second, I’m struck by how much has changed since the story was written. Two years may not seem like much time, particularly as I approach my 63rd birthday on December 28. But as you intentionally attempt to slow down and grow your awareness, every moment goes richer and life becomes more abundant. As you attend to the detail of life’s abundance, you become more aware of the constantly changing order of the universe and learn to accommodate, even embrace, change. The one change that I have accommodated, more than embraced, since this was written, was the passing of my father in November 2010.
This is a story referencing a story. You will find a link to my original 2006 writing, Chloe’s Story, here. My thanks goes to the good people at https://www.deathwise.org/ for republishing my hospice stories.
I send this out to you, recognizing that this post violates conventions of acceptable length, in the hope that it brings you some warmth and hope for the holiday season. It also is intended to remind you to find the best in strangers as well as yourself. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, September 6th, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Spaciousness, Transition, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Perception, Purpose, Relationship, Trust
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 Having spent almost 38 years as a land-use lawyer, modestly prominent in my specialty, I found myself recently in a whole new world as I attempt to “brand” myself in my supplemental careers as author, speaker and coach. I imagine that I’ve been engaged in this undertaking for more than 2 years. I simply didn’t appreciate it. When I chose the name “Coaching Counsel” for my coaching website, it wasn’t based on vast market research or an insightful effort to develop a unique identity profile. It came from a number of (probably very amateurish) considerations, including the fact that I was both an attorney (counsel) and a coach; that many of my coaching clients would be attorneys (giving a cute second meaning to coaching counsel); that many of the business executives that I coached would have greater comfort in the notion of counseling than coaching; and that the name had a fluid, alliterative, musical sound. By the way, I have no regrets about the name or the design of the website which supports the coaching practice. But I’ve learned that if you are engage in a number of parallel pursuits, i.e. writing, speaking and coaching, you have to establish a meta-“brand” that embraces them all. I also learned that for me “branding” was more than a marketing issue. Keep Reading »
Posted on Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
Tags: Appreciation, Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Happiness, Listening, Perception, Relationship, Transition, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Change, Curiosity, Discovery, Listening, Perception, Spaciousness, Transition
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 As I approached my 50th birthday, I had come into the habit of picking up my daughter from her tap dancing lessons in the adjacent town of Foster City. I had always had a fascination with tap, its athleticism, grace, syncopation and musicality. It probably was my reaching the mid-century mark that prompted me into action. One afternoon, to Jill’s chagrin, I inquired about adult lessons and signed up as a raw beginner. I took lessons for almost 18 months. I learned how to carry and shift my weight, how to feel, as much as hear, the rhythm, how to bring my body into the dance as an operating whole. I lacked strength and grace, but tried to make up for it with enthusiasm. The dance studio was connected to the local community theater group, so the music and style (Broadway show tunes and ensemble arrangements) weren’t exactly my cup of tea. But it all was so different from anything I had experienced before that I managed to stay with it, despite my overwhelming and hectic schedule.
I’ll never forget the evening that it dawned on me that I had been making everything too difficult. I thought that tap demanded strength and gross body movement. Then, while practicing a routine, I got out of my head and felt something familiar - something at which I already was accomplished – and I connected the dots! It was skiing. Skiing was all about subtle shifts of balance in the feet, more specifically at the metatarsals. My body didn’t have to all that much to do. I just had to stay close to center, balanced over my feet. All movements arose from subtle shifts in weigh on the feet. So, I applied that feel to tap. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, May 24th, 2011
Tags: Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Perception, Relationship, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Perception, Relationship, Trust
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 On March 31, 2011, I posted  #PET Tweet – What Our Animals Teach Us About Being Human (#PET Tweet) and offered the future opportunity for you to participate with my wife, Nancy, and me in its creation. After almost two additional months of research on the book, we have come to the conclusion that our pets are so diverse in so  many of their “teachings” that we could create a series of books, based on various species. So we put #PET Tweet on hold so that we could concentrate on #DOG Tweet – 140 Perspectives on What Our Dogs Teach Us About Being Human. If this effort is successful, #CAT Tweet will follow. Keep Reading »
Posted on Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011
Tags: Awareness, Coaching, Discovery, Perception, Relationship, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Curiosity, Discovery, Perception, Relationship, Trust
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In our lives and work, we come into contact with individuals and groups who view themselves and the world from perspectives different from our own. Sometimes we can simply “write them off,” because their interaction with us is so tangential that their beliefs and actions will have no lasting  impact on us. On other occasions, we have no choice. Such is the case with Jasmine and her relationships with Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith. In order to sustain her promising career, she has to work with, and through, the differences. At the end, there is something that each of them needs or wants to sustain their respective careers and workplace environment. Effective outcomes require that Jasmine bridge the gaps to arrive at successful outcomes for herself and her colleagues.
I am fascinated by differences. The opportunity to engage with another, to explore what we share in common and to better understand the things that divide us, is an exceptionally important part of life. By engaging the differences, we develop greater flexibility, resilience and acceptance, which allows for relationships to develop and trust to arise. Keep Reading »
Posted on Tuesday, February 1st, 2011
Tags: Curiosity, Discovery, Enneagram, Perception, Relationship, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Coaching, Discovery, Perception, Relationship, Trust
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As fate would have it, as I was engaged with Jasmine over her work dilemma and preparing posts to you on an understanding of, and approach to, how she might resolve it, I found myself in a “trust” pickle of my own. As it arose from an attorney-client relationship, I cannot offer you any detail on the situation. But, it certainly acted to “inform” my analysis of Jasmine’s plight. Three additional analyses came to mind, only one of which we previously have discussed. They are: (1) the Enneagram, (2) the Levels of Development model and (3) the “Six Streams” of Competency analysis. We will review each, in series, in forthcoming posts.
Because I already have introduced you to the enneagram personality typography system (I Know Your Type), I only will briefly review its application here. Jasmine is a enneagram type 7, often referenced as the enthusiast, the epicure, or the optimist. Well known figures of this personality type are Robin Williams, W. A. Mozart, Jim Carrey, Benjamin Franklin, Howard Stern and John F. Kennedy. Sevens are connoisseurs of a makeshift, provisional life, continually keeping their prospects open for the “next great thing.” In the workplace, the good news is that 7s are big conceptual innovators. Sevens have no difficulty seeing the forest for the trees. The bad news is that 7s often have difficulty in maintaining the staying power to complete long-term projects – they have trouble with the endgame. Keep Reading »
Posted on Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
Tags: Awareness, Listening, Relationship, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Discovery, Listening, Perception, Relationship, Trust
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That’s right.- Cerebrate. It’s not a misspelling. According to the online edition of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, cerebrate means “to use the mind.” So, when I was asked to join a small group of Silicon Valley “thinkers and achievers” last weekend at the Mount Madonna Center for a Cerebrate weekend, described as 2 days of “brainstorming and bonding,” hosted by my friend (and the executive editor of my books), Rajesh Setty, I could not pass up the opportunity. 
Cerebrate was started by Kiruba Shankar, a renowned podcaster (Kiruba.TV), who likens the Cerebrate events to “TED meets Foocamp.” According to Shankar, “the beauty of the event lies in its diversity and excellence.” And, indeed, that proved to be the case. Of the 15 of us present, participants were drawn from a fields of publishing, advertising, law, nutrition and fitness, graphic arts, entrepreneurship, technology, and the media. Five of us were native North Americans. Ten heralded from the Indian continent. Unlike traditional “business conferences,” there was no audience. In fact, there was almost no agenda. The object was to build understanding and relationship, to share dreams, successes and failures, to explore experiences and challenges. Each of us was given approximately a half hour to “tell our story.” And, what extraordinary stories were told! I particularly was struck by the many success stories told by our Indian immigrant compatriots. We learned of a father selling his land to pay for his son’s college education, about the hurdles faced when one is born into a lower caste, about arranged marriages, about the extraordinary opportunity and pride of being a part of the United States. I heard references to Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and Benjamin Franklin offered in such tones of awe and respect that it was hard not to be humbled by others’ respect and enthusiasm for what this country has to offer. Keep Reading »
Posted on Monday, January 24th, 2011
Tags: Awareness, Narrative, Perception, Relationship, Spaciousness, Trust
Categories: Awareness, Discovery, Perception, Relationship, Trust
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As you may recall, Jasmine developed an opportunity for her group, shortly after arriving at her new position at a international financial institution. After several weeks of work, Mr. Jones, Jasmine’s superior, chose Mr. Smith, who had successfully competed for Jasmine’s position, to present Jasmine’s innovative program to Mr. Jones’ superiors. Jasmine saw that action as a breach of trust and was perplexed as to what she should do about it. Let’s begin by framing Jasmine’s dilemma.
 First, while Jasmine is a talented, innovative and engaged young woman, she only recently arrived at her new job. Her conversations with her superior have been relatively few and generally have been information exchanges. While they may fostered the beginnings of a relationship, that relationship is, at this stage, embryonic. So, her trust stems from her limited engagements with her superior and assumptions proceeding from her understanding of the quality and reputation of her institution. Consequently, her trust – that her good work will be acknowledged and credited to her; that her contributions to her team will be reciprocated by her teammates; and that she need not fear being undermined by her colleagues – is in the nature of simple trust. The solution to her dilemma rests upon her converting this simple trust into something more authentic, as we will further discuss. Keep Reading »
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